


forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons

by pigeonhoarder



Category: Dead Poets Society (1989)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24252043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pigeonhoarder/pseuds/pigeonhoarder
Summary: you don't have to say i love you to say i love youforget all the shooting stars and all the silver moonswe've been making shades of purple out of red and bluesickeningly sweet like honey, don't need moneyall i need is youorin which neil and todd realise (and deny) their feelings for each other
Relationships: Todd Anderson/Neil Perry
Comments: 3
Kudos: 52





	forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons

“I close my eyes and this image floats beside me.  
A sweaty-toothed madman with a stare that pounds my brain.  
His hands reach out and choke me and all the time he's mumbling,  
mumbling, "Truth. Truth is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold."  
You push it, stretch it, it'll never be enough.  
You kick at it, beat it, it'll never cover any of us.  
From the moment we enter crying, to the moment we leave dying,  
it will just cover your face as you wail and cry and scream.”

Neil couldn’t move. He couldn’t speak, or breathe, or shift his eyes from where they were fixated on the boy at the front of the class. His heart was racing, and he could feel his cheeks flushing with heat. It was like the world had stopped moving, and everything else was blurred. Numb. The only thing he could see, or hear, or think was Todd.  
His stupor was broken by the uproar of clapping and yelling around him, and a grin of relief flashed over Neil’s face. The whole class was amazed. So was he. He wasn’t feeling anything different to anyone in his class. He was just impressed by his friend, that was all. After all, it was normal to feel proud of your friends. Neil had watched Todd’s confidence and talent grow over the past months, and they’d become close friends in that time. Neil had always made friends easily, but it was rare for him to connect with someone as much as he had with Todd. But it didn’t mean anything. It was normal for two boys who shared a room and had little contact with the outside world to bond. It didn’t mean anything, Neil told himself. It didn’t mean anything. 

The bell rang. Neil stood quickly, gathering his books into his arms in a rush. But he was too slow. The rest of the boys had packed away before the bell rang, desperate to get down to lunch, and he was left alone. As Neil turned to leave the classroom, the thick poetry book at the top of his awkwardly tall pile of books slipped from his hands and fell to the floor. He let out a heavy sigh, and bent to pick it up, only to be met with a blinding pain just above his eyebrow.  
One of his hands shot up to cover his forehead, as the rest of his books clattered to the ground, and he gasped, "Ah, shi-"  
"Neil?" He looked up from the books strewn around him to see... Todd.  
"Todd! What are you doing here?" he asked, blatant confusion on his face. The rest of their friends had gone, and Todd was stood in the doorway alone.  
Todd was already making his way across the classroom, his brow furrowed deep with concern, "I was waiting for you. Are you alright?"  
"Yeah, I just hit my head. Don't worry- Todd!" Todd was pulling Neil's fingers away from his head, and Neil saw his eyes widen.  
"Neil, you're bleeding!" His voice was as soft as his touch, and Neil could feel a blush creeping up on his cheeks. He swatted Todd's hand away, taking a hurried step back.  
"Look, it's fine. I'll go to the bathroom and clean it up, alright?"  
Shaking his head, Todd grabbed Neil by the shoulders and firmly pushed him into a chair. "No."  
Neil let out a quiet chuckle and shook his head. "Really? You're gonna be like this?"  
"Yep," Todd said, before approaching the door to Mr Keating's office. He had just raised his fist to knock when the door swung open, their teacher stood on the other side staring at him in surprise.  
"Mr Anderson. Can I help you?" he asked, curiously peering around Todd's shoulder to where Neil was sat.  
"Um, yeah. Neil hit his head on a desk, Captain." Neil noticed Todd hesitate, and his voice lower as he forced the words out. "It's not too bad, but he's bleeding." Mr Keating nodded before retreating back into his office without a word. Todd turned back around to look at Neil, who was half stood, craning his neck to see what was going on. Shaking his head in exasperation, Todd turned back to wait for Mr Keating. After a couple minutes, he returned with a little wooden box, which he held out to Todd. "I have a meeting with Mr Nolan in a few minutes, so I'll have to leave this to you two boys to sort out," he said, a small smile on his face. Todd's eyes were wide as he looked between the first aid kit in his hands and the man in front of him. "Sir, I can't... I don't know how..." Mr Keating shrugged, already on his way out of the classroom. "You're smart, Mr Anderson. You'll figure it out."

Neil watched Todd carefully as Mr Keating left. Why was he doing this? He could easily have just let him go to the school nurse, but instead he was going to have to patch him up.  
Todd turned slowly to look at him, his face in agony. "Neil, I don't think I can-"  
Neil rolled his eyes and pushed his chair back, patting the desk in front of him. "Come on, Todd. You just have to wipe it and put a dressing on. It isn't surgery."  
"Fine. But don't come crying to me when I accidentally kill you," Todd said, sitting up on the desk and hooking his leg around Neil's chair to pull him closer. Neil was painfully aware of how close the two were to each other as Todd gently wiped the blood away with a tissue. He could feel the other boy's breath on his face, and the way his little finger softly grazed his cheek every time we wiped across. When Todd finally pulled away to look for more supplies, Neil let out a sigh of relief. How could he deny his feelings when something like that happened?  
However, he still studied Todd's face carefully as he rooted through the first aid kit. He noticed how he furrowed his eyebrows and chewed his lip in concentration, and how he would mumble to himself every now and then. Neil couldn't help but smile.  
Todd pulled out a tube of antiseptic cream, and unscrewed the lid with one hand whilst pushing Neil's hair back with the other. Neil's heart leapt into his throat, and he opened his mouth as if to say something. But there was nothing he could say. As Todd started to apply the cream, he just swallowed and closed his eyes. He didn't want to notice every little detail of Todd's face. He couldn't. The way he was feeling about Todd... it wasn't right.  
If Todd had noticed that Neil's eyes were screwed tightly shut, he didn't say anything about it. Neil liked that about him. He respected people's privacy, and didn't judge them.  
Finally Todd pulled away again, and Neil risked opening his eyes. He sat in silence for a moment, just watching Todd, before he said, "I liked your poem."  
Todd looked at him with surprise, a square plaster in his hand. "Really?"  
"Yeah, of course." Neil rolled his eyes and grinned. "The way you came up with all of that on the spot... It was amazing."  
Neil noticed that Todd's cheeks were flushing a light pink, and that he was averting his gaze. "It was just a load of nonsense, really. But thank you," he said as he leaned forward to apply the plaster, chewing his bottom lip gently in concentration.  
"It wasn't nonsense," Neil whispered. Todd's confidence had grown so much the past few months, yet he still spoke down on himself often, and it pained Neil to see that. "Honestly, Todd. You have a serious gift for poetry."  
Todd smiled softly, looking into his eyes. "Thank you. I... I enjoy doing it."  
Once again, Neil was aware of the short distance between them. Their lips were barely centimetres apart. If he could just close that distance...  
Neil shook his head and stood up abruptly. He couldn't think that way about Todd. If he knew what he was thinking, he would think he was sick and disgusting. Todd could never know. Which meant he could never do anything about this, never tell anyone.  
"Neil? Are you okay?" Todd asked, hopping off the desk and looking up at him with a frown.  
Neil nodded and forced a smile, "Yeah, I'm just tired. I think I'll go have a nap until lunch is over."  
"Are you sure? You should probably eat something..."  
"I'll be fine," Neil gathered his fallen books - without dropping them this time - and turned back to him. "You go get some lunch. I'll be fine."  
Todd hesitated, looking at Neil for any signs of something being wrong. But he was right. He just looked tired. "Fine," he sighed, and walked towards the door besides Neil. "I'll see you in an hour."  
Neil nodded and gave a small wave, before turning the opposite way. Once he was sure he was out of sight of Todd, he broke into a sprint, desperate to get to their dorm as quickly as possible. 

The moment Neil had entered the room, he slammed the door closed and locked it. He threw himself onto his bed, and covered his face with his blanket, groaning in frustration.  
There was no use in denying it. He was falling hopelessly in love with his best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! this is my first fic on ao3 so pls be nice. i hope it's okay? i kinda hate it but oh well. there's only going to be one more part and it will be from todd's pov!!  
> anyway my twitter is @pigeonhoarder if u fancy following or having a chat or anything. hope ur all well!!


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